Solve A Crime SXX
by Humor In A Bittersweet Life
Summary: Bobby is Blah and Eames' doesn't like it. There is a case involved ... For Rindy. A case involving Chief Moran. Language warning, but otherwise, rated T Chapter 3: Bobby and Alex discuss the case at Alex's
1. The Men's Room

**Disclaimer: Don't own them ... just changing them up for the sake of FICTION!**

**The Real Title: Solve A Crime ... Sex**

**Told in Eames POV**

**All mistakes are my own, so ... excuse me please.**

**Summary: Bobby's Blah and Eames doesn't like it ... she's bored and wants to have sex ... Solve A Crime ... Sex!**

**Spoilers sort of, but not really mentioned: Playing Dead and Identity Crisis**

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**The Men's Room**

**Eames' POV**

It's been several weeks since Declan Gage's hearing … mental disease … I'll say. Bobby did his part, I did mine, Ross did his … mental disease was the verdict. He was sent away for life in a mental institution. I think his life _**was**_ a mental institution, so, no real change there … he got off easy in my book. Major Case is back to running on all cylinders … I'm not so sure Bobby is. He's back to solving cases … not that he's ever stopped. Through all the crises of his life, one thing never wavered … his ability to solve crimes … puzzles, as he puts it. The problem is … he used to do that with some gusto, some excitement. He would get this twinkle in his eye when one of those puzzle pieces fit and I would get excited … I would know that he was on to something. Now he's just flat … just there … alive, breathing, solving cases, but no longer with gusto, no longer fun … if that's the right word. I'm not saying that murder or any type of mayhem should be considered fun, but when Bobby had a puzzle to solve and you were the one with the corner piece in your hand … yeah, it was fun. Now, it's just another day at the office … going through the motions of police work. You know … what was the crime? Who was the victim? Where did it happen? Was it a crime of passion? A robbery? Etc , etc, etc.

Bobby makes all that fun … more exciting. People think police work _**is**_ exciting, it's not … the leg work is boring. He has the uncanny ability to make the beginning middle and end of the case all seem like, well … damn … sex. The foreplay, the climax and then the cuddling. Wow, what a revelation I just had … and I'm not even in therapy! Having Bobby as my partner and solving a case with him is like having sex with him, of course to him, I'm just the one holding the corner piece to the puzzle … it is an important piece, but I'm sure he would never compare solving a crime to having sex … especially with me … I don't even think he knows that I'm the opposite sex. Whatever, I'm not saying that I want to have sex with my partner, I'm just saying that I want to have "solve a crime sex" with him again. He needs to snap out of this funk that he's in. I have to say … and believe me, it kills me to say it … Declan Cage was right about one thing … Bobby is free now … I wish he would start acting it.

I see an opening … he's heading to the men's room, or as I see it right now … our conference room.

**Major Case Eleventh Floor Men's Room**

_Eames enters the men's room. Bobby is doing his business and doesn't bother to look to see who's entered._

"Bobby, we have to talk."

_Now he looks._

"Ah … do you mind, Eames?"

"No … nothing I haven't seen before."

"Ah … oh yeah … where was I?"

"Oh please Goren … they all look alike."

_An exasperated sigh escapes his lungs._

"Fine … what do you want to talk about?"

**Back to Eames POV**

I really couldn't see, but Bobby really didn't seem to care either … flat … he's just flat. Funny thing happens … Ross walks in.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Eames wants to talk and it can't seem to wait for my ice tea to relieve itself."

_He finally zips up._

"Could we have the room, Sir?"

_Ross looks around._

"But it's the men's room, Eames."

"Yes, Sir … I know, but there's isn't a single private room to be had and Goren doesn't fit in the broom closet."

"Is there something I should know about you two … forget it … I don't want to know!"

"There isn't … I don't know why Eames called this … _meeting_, but I know her … she's not going to let me leave until she says her peace, so … well, I really would rather not try to fit into the broom closet Sir."

"Fine, I'll go down a floor."

"Sir."

"Yes, Eames."

"It's a partner thing."

"Okay … good … do your partner thing, but hurry it up, there are a lot of men on this floor."

"Thank you Sir."

I'm so glad he understood. I know he has a hard time with us. He gets on Bobby's case and I defend Bobby … always. We, of course, have gone through the worst of times … recently, but we're good partners and even Ross can see that and that bastard Moran can see our numbers … we still have the highest solve rate in Major Case. We need to have this talk. Of course … I say it all wrong, but he'll understand me … we just _**get**_ each other.

"Okay Eames … all zipped and ready."

Hmm … that was funny … I'm encouraged.

"Bobby … I start pacing, he's comfortable with pacing … we need to have "solve a crime sex."

"What? Say again."

"Solve a crime sex." Like he knows what I'm talking about. I'm sure alls he heard was sex … he's a man. He may not know that I'm a woman, but I know he's a man … the beard is a dead give away.

"Sex … you want to have sex … with _**me**_?"

Told ya … funny … he's in his late forties and his voice cracked.

"Not sex … "solve a crime sex" … don't you get it?"

"Not recently, I mean … really, no."

"EXACTLY!"

"Eames, you're talking in puzzles."

"Yes, yes! That's it exactly … what you call a puzzle, I call, solve a crime sex … now do you get it?"

He puts his hand on the back of his neck … that's a good sign … it's a sign of enlightenment.

"_Maybe_."

"Well?"

"What? We just solved two cases … two very difficult cases … It was _like sex _… wasn't it good for you, Eames?"

"No … very anti-climatic. Good solve without the … well … lets just say I was faking it."

"Ah … I think I'm _**really**_ getting it now. I'm … ah … boring you … the ah … foreplay sucks and I'm satisfying my own needs and forgetting yours … is that it?"

"Yeah … you're definitely getting it and what happened to the cuddling after … you know … having a beer a McGinty's or dinner at Sal's?"

"I'll try to do better … more … ah foreplay and I promise to make you "scream" with pleasure … next case, Eames."

"Great and I'll do more than hold your corner piece."

"Are we still talking sexual type euphemisms? … Because I don't get that one."

"No … you put the puzzles together … remember?"

"Oh … oh, right … puzzles. Got it. The corner piece solves the puzzle, Eames."

I smile at him … I do much more than carry his water.

"I know, Bobby … I know."

Captain Ross pokes his head in.

"Excuse me, but if you two are done with your little conversation … beside the fact that there are a lot of men crossing their legs out here … you have a case."

Perfect timing … I was in the mood … for "solve a crime sex." I just hope this one doesn't involve an abused child or two brothers. Let it be a good old fashion jewel thief or a foreign national involved in an art theft or something that really makes him _**think. **_Talk about an orgasm and if I could be so bold as to wish for Bobby's need to speak one of the many foreign languages that he speaks, well … a girl can dream.

We walk out of the men's room and get the information on our case … a kidnapping … Moran's niece … you're fucking kidding me? Sex? No. Puzzle? More like puz_zling_. Bobby and I look at each other … Ross is so calm. Why didn't he come bursting into the men's room as soon as he heard? The boss's boss's niece … kidnapped and Ross cool and collected sitting behind his desk briefing us on the case … what the fuck?

"Captain … may I ask … why are you so calm?"

"Because Chief Moran asked for my two best detectives. I asked him who he thought they might be. He yelled and said, "Don't fuck with me Danny … this is my niece! Get me Goren and Eames!"

See … even that bastard Moran knows … maybe the sex will be so good I won't have to fake it this time. I know this because when I glance over at Bobby, he sat straight up in his chair … he looks proud to be Robert Goren again and I'm proud to be his partner.

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**_Thanks for reading ... this one is my attempt to write a Moran story for Rindy._**


	2. The Ladies Room

**Bobby's perking up ... It's an election year!**

**Rated M for language only**

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_CHAPTER TWO: Putting the pieces together_

**The Ladies Room**

**As told by Detective Eames**

In the case of a kidnapping, the Feds are almost always called in, but Moran wanted us … Goren and Eames. It was _**his **_niece and the Feds would have to take a back seat for now, but they were cautiously optimistic. Lets examine that statement … showing restraint with a positive view of a future outcome. I have my doubts … showing restraint does not suit the Feds well. We'll see. For now, Bobby has his puzzle and I can't wait for some foreplay … come on and give it to me!

Lorelie Moran Varner, is the daughter of Chief Moran's sister Leila. His mother's name was Lorraine … that's how they came up with Lorelie. So, anyway, Lorelie is a sixteen year old junior in high school. She was attending a high school baseball game after school when she was snatched. Her parents, Leila and Lance Varner are not wealthy people … they do alright, but they don't have a million bucks in the bank. We surmise that the kidnapping has something to do with Chief Moran, but Bobby wants to look at all the angles.

We set up a command post at the home of the Varner's … wire tapping of their phones … surveillance around the perimeter, etc. Bobby and I sit with the Varner's to discuss the possibility of anybody in their lives that may have some grudge against them … it's worth a shot, but she's a dental hygienist and he's an electrician. So what … she left plaque behind or he reversed some poor saps switch? Up is off and down is on? No … I don't think they have enemies. It was pretty evident after we did our interview with them. I took the wife and Bobby sat with Lance. We had to look at the Chief … boy, talk about enemies … Bobby and I were at the top of that list … we ruled each other out.

Uniforms scan and interview everyone around the ball field. I don't understand how all of those people saw or didn't see a God damn thing. What? Were the hot dogs that good? How does a beautiful vibrant young woman just poof into thin air? How? I feel for these parents and God help me … I even feel for Chief Moran. It was, excuse me … is his niece. We are at six hours and counting … that's six hours with a kidnapper. We know this because there was a message left … short, not so sweet, simple.

**We have your daughter. Wait for instructions. **

Forensics analyzes the note … paper that you can get anywhere. Printed off of an HP printer … there are only about a gazzillion of those and probably from the font … a Sony VAIO was used. I have one of those … guess I'm back on the list.

No prints or epithelia's were found on the note … no saliva on the envelope … nada. The note was of no use to us at all … well … I thought so, forensics thought so … Bobby's thoughts were a wee bit different.

Back at One Police Plaze, he let me in on those thoughts … in the ladies room.

**Major Case Eleventh Floor Ladies Room**

Bobby must have seen me head into the _head_ … he followed and locked the door behind him … hell … I didn't do that.

"Eames … Eames … are we alone?"

I can hear him walk and push doors open.

"Jesus Bobby … can't this wait?"

"Ah … nothing I haven't seen before, Eames."

"Ha ha … very funny Bobby. Why did you lock the door?"

"You asked for foreplay … I'm gonna give you some foreplay."

I'm both nervous and excited … sounds about right.

"Ah … you did understand what I meant about … _foreplay _… right?"

He let out that big sigh of his … the one that conveys … _Christ, I'm not fucken stupid, ya know!?_

"Yes, Eames."

"Okay … good."

"Will you please come out of there."

So I do … those two words come back to mind, cautiously optimistic.

"Okay … zipped up. Give it to me, Goren."

He takes one more check of the stalls … this must be good.

"Eames … did you know and I know that you do, that the Chief's position is an appointed one?"

"Ah … _yeah_."

"Well … his popularity rating among his peers and the people of New York, has taken a nose dive as of late."

"You don't say?"

"Oh, but I do. Since the kidnapping of his niece … those numbers are back on the rise. Elections are coming up … it's an election year. Did you know that?"

"I think I did … in the back of my mind, sure, I knew that."

"The note, Eames. No evidence … no prints, no saliva … like some one knew what we would look for."

Bobby stares at me … hand on the back of his neck, head slightly tilted downward, but eyes staring right at me with the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

"Oh my God!"

"This is foreplay, Eames. Are you getting _**hot**_ … yet?"

Hot? Hot … I'm getting fucking wet! Was he implying? Yeah he was implying … DAMN … I wonder what Bobby can really do to a woman … he did this to me without laying a finger on me. DAMN … my mind just went off the case and in the gutter.

"Bobby if you're saying what I think you're saying …"

"I am."

"You really do know how to show a girl a good time."

"I aim to please, Eames."

"What's next?"

"We discreetly check his real-estate holdings … discreetly."

"Like maybe he owns a cabin up state?"

"Or a time share in Boca."

"Bobby … if we step in this shit …"

"Lets just start putting my puzzle together … it could be one of those five thousand piece ones."

"Even those only have four corners … we stick together … have my sex and put your pieces together and Moran goes down. He'll wish the Feds took the case."

"Have your sex? Do I have to do all the work? I gave you your foreplay … _**I **_want the climax."

"And that would be?"

"You'll know when I get there … that five thousand piece puzzle can't put itself together. Let's get to work, Partner."

I've created a monster, but I think I like it.

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**_What do you think? Is Moran the kidnapper ... would he be so low as to kidnap his own niece just to keep his job? Thanks for reading -- judy_**


	3. Eames' Kitchen

**The case takes on a new look. As told by Eames.**

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_CHAPTER THREE: Eames Kitchen_

**What Kind of Sex Did You Want To Have?**

We sifted through Moran's financial and real-estate holdings … discreetly … as discreetly as we could. We didn't want anybody finding out that we were suspecting the Chief of kidnapping his own niece just to win back his appointed position. We went to my place and sat at my kitchen table and sifted through mounds of paper work without the aid of a computer. After hours of research, my eyes started to cross.

"I haven't found one piece to our puzzle, Bobby. Tell me why again, we can't hop on my PC … it would be much faster."

"We're trying to be discreet … remember?"

"Oh … yeah … right. We're investigating one of our own."

"He's not one of mine … I don't want to have sex with him!"

"You mean, you don't want to investigate a crime with him."

"Yeah … that too."

"So, Bobby … what you're really saying is … you want to have sex with me."

"Isn't that what we're doing, Eames? This was your metaphor for solving a crime."

"Yeah, but the way you just said that about Moran … the way you worded it … it almost sounded like you wanted to have sex with me."

"How did you get that from what I said?"

"Never mind … what have you got there?"

"Hmm, we did go over Lance Varner's financials … right?"

"Yeah … he makes a decent wage, he's an electrician, self employed."

"Yup and times are tough out there … aren't they, Eames?"

"So now you're looking at the kid's father? Bobby nodded his head. Why?"

"Because I'm holding his job application in my hand for a position that went through the Mayor's office."

Bobby handed me the application. Lance Varner had applied for the job as The Head of Maintenance for all city offices.

"What do you think that job pays, Bobby?"

"About eighty grand a year plus bene's. But lets not forget who can help him land that job."

"Mayor Blumberg's sidekick?"

"Chief Moran."

"A conspiracy theory?"

"Sounds like we have some puzzle pieces."

"I prefer the term, foreplay."

Bobby smiled … I remember that smile … very sexy … God damn sexy!

This solve a crime sex thing is getting hot. It's bringing my partner back to life and making me see him in a whole new light. He really is a sexy man. His intelligence, his mere presence … I mean, he is impressive … his size, he can be so intimidating yet I know him as such a gentle and sweet man. I think I want to have the real thing with him … the real sex thing minus the solve the crime thing. I'll wait until we find the girl and then I'll tell him … it will probably puzzle him.

"Eames, Eames … don't climax on me yet … where did you go?"

Bobby was snapping his fingers bringing me out of my daydream about him.

"What? I'm sorry … my mind went somewhere."

"Somewhere good … you were smiling."

He wagged that insanely sexy finger at me. I instantly felt my face flush. I had to get up and excuse myself. I knew if he caught the look on my face, he would figure out that I was fantasying about his loins … Damn.

I went and splashed some cool water on my face and waited for my heart rate to settle back down before I returned to the kitchen … he was already putting the pieces of our puzzle together … yup … he's Mr. Clueless when it comes to me … I really don't think he knows that I'm female!

"Eames … great, you're back."

"Yeah, because I went so far away?"

He looked at me like I had two heads … _focus Bobby_.

"Ah … no, but I found something … something good … more ah … _foreplay_."

I really wish he would stop smiling like that. We all know the saying … _be careful what you wish for_. I did want that old Bobby back … did I … was I … hot for the old Bobby? I sure am now … **concentrate, Eames … you have a kidnapping to solve.**

"Okay … what now, Sherlock?"

"Do you want to be Watson, now? … Because you know how much I hate to be called Sherlock."

"Sorry … no. Go on."

"Okay … the girl's boyfriend Brett … he hasn't attended classes since Lorelie was kidnapped."

"How did you find that out?"

"Your PC."

"Hey … I thought we were doing this under the radar."

"I had to hack into the school's records."

"You can hack?"

He pursed his lips into a tight line … I know my partner … he can't hack!

"I know somebody in the school system … I had a hunch."

"A hunch? I stepped into the bathroom for three … four minutes tops."

"Good foreplay doesn't take that long, Eames."

"Okay … so … we have the father applying for a job with the Mayor."

"Right."

"A good friend of Chief Moran."

"Ah huh."

"The girl's boyfriend isn't attending school … why?"

"States here … emotional stress."

"Oh Christ, Bobby … they're sixteen. Emotional stress my ass."

"Sixteen's a tough age … hormones raging … you remember, Eames … don't ya?"

**Hell yeah!**

"What do you say we pay a visit to young Brett … see this _emotional stress_ in person?"

"I'd like that, Eames. Almost as much as I enjoyed seeing you blush a little while ago … it reminds me of something."

He started to get up to leave … it was getting late and our visit to Brett was going to happen first thing in the morning. I had to bite …

"What … _with a heavy sigh_ … does my flushed cheeks remind you of?"

"It reminds me that you're a beautiful woman, Eames."

There's that smile again … I swear he knows what that smile does to me and every other woman he uses it on. He turned and left me with my jaw resting on the floor … I think I may have opened up a can of worms. I wonder how big one worm might be. **Stop, Eames … focus … kidnapped girl … mind _out of gutter … for now anyway._**

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**Once again, thanks Paige ... this Chapter is for you. Hope it's up to your standards! Thanks for reading :)**


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